The Greek Bachelorette, Part I

In one of my previous posts about Jennifer Aniston being Greek* and People magazine trying to hook her up with eligible Greek men at her father's request, I made a comment that the only difference between Jennifer Aniston and myself** is that I didn't have a national publication playing matchmaker for me. Otherwise, we both have family member ardently wishing for us to keep the Greek traditions alive.

*Half Greek
**Not to mention the rock hard abs, celebrity boyfriends, and millions in her bank account

If I had known it would seem like a lament, or that I was secretly wishing that if not People magazine writers themselves, then at least I longed for a family member or friend to set me up with an eligible Greek, I'd never have written that post.

But apparently, the karmic floodgates have been opened and I am my family's new "project" however unsolicited it was on my part.

My aunt is especially has taken this Herculean*** task on for herself.

***Get it? Herculean because it's a big task to find me a boyfriend but also, Herculean because I'm Greek?!

My aunt is a guest speaker on a Greek radio station for their late-night Saturday programming. Basically, it's a panel of Greeks who discuss a certain topic every week that relates to Greeks and whatever Greeks in the greater Tri-State area have nothing better to do on a Saturday night, call in and talk to my aunt and the other panelists.

I don't listen to this station because a) I don't listen to radio and b) I most certainly do not listen to Greek radio. Greek radio reminds me of being a kid and sitting inside my grandparents' house on rainy days and having to be really quiet while the news was on because my grandfather was hard of hearing. So Greek radio feels like a punishment to me.

And besides, I have way better things to be doing on a Saturday night. Like coming home early from whatever social plans I have so I can blog, listen to music, download movies, play games and online shop and daydream about get my clothes ready for my a.m. kettlebell instructor class.

A few Sundays ago, I got out of my kettlebell class and saw a missed call from my mother. Usually when I get a missed call from my mother, the message she usually leaves is just the same every time: her singing "I just called to say, I love you" which goes on for about 2 minutes and then she gives me a guilt trip for not spending enough time with her.

This time, however, I would've preferred her off-pitch croonings to the message I received instead.

My mother proceeds to inform me that last night, my Thea (that's just Greek for aunt) announced on the radio that she has "a beautiful niece" who is Greek, unmarried and looking for love. She continued to give them my full name and have them look me up on Facebook and THEN invited any eligible bachelors to send in their names and photos so she can arrange a meeting with me.

As I'm listening to this, it was literally a roller coaster of emotions:

• EMBARRASSMENT: "Oh God, this is what happens to really really really ugly people."

• PRIDE: "I know this is like, only Greek radio, but I'm like, kinda famous." #anyattentionisgoodattention

• ANGER: "I don't even tell my blog readers my last name! WTF, that annoys me."

• FEAR: "What if some cretins respond? What if they look me up and see my pic and think NAH! and no one calls?!"

• RESIGNATION: "Whatever, how many people actually listen to that program? 10? They're probably all from New Jersey anyway, and that's too far to date someone."

And then I promptly forgot about this whole incident and carried on with my life, figuring, honestly, who was really going to call in? And even if they did, I'd almost undoubtedly say no.

Right??

[continued in part 2]